Addressing some laws

More days than not in recent past (as in, say, the last two weeks) I've been operating at a higher level, a more positive one, and in some ways, a more dynamic one. The last three days have been absolutely packed with different events in my personal and professional life and energy has been brewing and bubbling fantastically. That being said, this morning took an unexpected turn and jarred me for the majority of the day.

I was driving to Notre Dame for a work-related event and on the way there, while waiting at a red light behind two other vehicles in my lane, I heard a loud screech of skidding tires and I saw a full-size SUV in the crossing traffic crash into the rear passenger side of a minivan that was speeding past it. The van spun around (thankfully staying upright) and came to a stop in front of the SUV, both vehicles in the middle of the intersection in front of me and the other cars waiting at the light. 

I froze. Panicked really. The sound of the tires skidding across the pavement was a brutal bleating, and the crunch of the vehicles is what set me off. The driver and front passenger of the SUV got out and as others had already exited their cars with the cell phones in hand, I opted to pull around the scene and head towards the university. As I pulled around, I noticed the driver's door and driver's side passenger door open, and in the middle row seat on that side there was a young girl, who looked to be around 7-9 years old, and she was crying. The adult from the driver's seat was standing next to her outside the car and I could hear them saying, "You're ok. You're ok." as I drove by.

I've driven by plenty of accident aftermath scenarios, but it has been quite a while since I've seen an accident unfold in front of me. And with a recent revisiting of the Angelina story this past week, this tossed the energy of the week into the blender. Nonetheless, I was off to Notre Dame and had to focus in for work, which was fine once I was in the building around some great energy in an improv workshop.

Being blunt with myself, I said to myself, "Get it together, Marlon, you have a lot to do today and there isn't time for weepy memories to take over your day." Typically, I try to address feelings as they arise, positive or negative, but as adulting does with most of us, "the show must go on." Life doesn't give you a pause button just because you need to take a time out.

I head to the first part of the improv workshop and leave to head back to a lighting workshop at the theatre where I work. Once I'm in the car the mood sets in again. I stop and get coffee and a donut, and while in the drive thru, I hear staccato horn honks and hear a thud and a crunch of two vehicles, although milder than the one that morning. I turn around and see a red Prius with a white minivan behind it. The van backs up slightly, and the Prius speeds off through the parking lot. 

"You have GOT to be fucking kidding me," I exclaim in my car. Seriously. That was my out loud reaction. Inside my head I think, "Ok, that's two." Because, threes, right?

I go to the lighting workshop. I enjoy it. I take off to find a friend for a hug before heading back to Notre Dame to catch the tail end of the workshop I was present at in the morning. And then I head to a local coffee shop, The Well, for an all-day event to raise money to donate to UNICEF for Syrian Refugees. Partially to help out with a portion here or there, but also to enjoy some of the awesomeness in my new-to-me community.

So today I spent more time driving around than I do normally, and of course this is what happens when i spend more time on the road.

The law of conservation of energy states (loosely) that energy in an isolated system cannot be created or destroyed.

The law of attraction deems you can bring positive events by emitting positive energy and likewise with negative events and negative thoughts and energy.

With that in mind after the inciting incident of the morning's turn of events, I knew I needed to focus on positive things and allow myself to soak in all that is good. But then I also think to myself, I am not an isolated system. Neither is Saturday. And the world itself isn't an isolated system. (In regards to energy...in the spiritual sense, anyway.) But to some extent, there can be an argument for conservation of energy in life: births and deaths, relationships starting and ending. And even with the law of attraction, there are things like this morning, that are curveballs, and yet events that may be considered coincidental (like the van/Prius situation) they may have very well be somewhat generated by energies felt after the morning.

And then I think of Batman. (I know, I'm all over the place, but if you've read through a few blog posts here, you know this is normal, and I typically come back to the primary point, whether it looks like I will or not.)

But yes, Batman.

What does happen when an unstoppable force comes up against an immovable object?

And this is when my uniquely wired psyche throws me a huge curveball:

What if I'm both for myself? My own unstoppable force AND the immovable object?

This video, although primarily focusing on a scientific explanation (as opposed to spiritual/emotional), gives me a solid answer.

The rest of the day turned out to be a lot of fun around a lot of very interesting people. So many different people enjoying the event, participating and performing, sharing stories, and just a grand day of being a community. The last hip hop act of the night was a very unique performance for me to catch. It's been a while since I've listened to much rap or hip hop, and although I feared for his safety as he precariously perched on top of a barstool as well as thrashing about the stage, I enjoyed the fact that this is the one of the rawest emotional performances I've seen outside of a theatre. In between tracks he would share his message of staying true to yourself and being honest with yourself. He voiced his opinion on always wanting to dig in more and executing actions and not just talking about them. For his authenticity and honest, unadulterated energy, I enjoyed it immensely.

And I couldn't let this day go by without getting it out of my head. There is much to be said about energy and emotion, and as you know I enjoy telling stories, I had to tell one about today. When I got to Notre Dame shortly after the first accident happened, I texted a friend about it. The words that were shared in the response resonated brilliantly,

Breathing. Breathing. 

Acknowledging our impermanence and permanence. That we aren't promised more than this moment.

For now it is time to regroup, recharge, and rest well.

Zac Brown, summer rain, and the Catholic church

As I was driving home tonight it started raining. More than the light sprinkling that dusted the majority of the drive, but a substantial rainfall that forced me to kick my windshield wipers into high speed. Being the beginning of June in southern California, a rain was slightly unexpected, so it took me back to my time on the east coast where summer rains in Charleston and Virginia Beach were more common.

March 28, 2005 I I woke up for my last morning in Virginia before driving back to California. (Yes, I drove back to California, this would be the third time driving across the contiguous 48.) My final pitstop before heading to Richmond to pick up my travel buddy, Tammy, was my friend Steve’s house. After some last minute reminiscing and a good ol’ “take care, friend” I got in my silver Stratus and drove away from Virginia Beach, and it started to rain. I can’t remember if the rain actually painted the windshield, but my eyelids served as my windshield wipers for the torrential downpour. From October 2001 to March 2005 VB was my home: the Rickover (Hooyah!), Stooges, AJ Gators, Bar Rick, 264 to the water, and the most calming waterfront I’ve ever experienced were among the many loves I was leaving.

Fast forward to today.

A week and a half out from another major milestone in my life, and I’m driving home listening to Zac Brown Band. Quiet Your Mind and Colder Weather were the two songs I played on repeat on the way home, and like music often does, they got me thinking.

The day after graduation (the aforementioned “major milestone” if you hadn’t realized) my girlfriend and I accompanied my mother and sister to a relative of a family friend’s ordination. Yup, he’s now a Catholic priest. When we had arrived, I had thought about how long it had been since I had set foot in a Catholic church (the most recent being my brother’s wedding last July), but in thinking of it tonight, I actually thought of the last time I didn’t set foot inside a Catholic church. In May of 2006 (I know, I’m a chronological basket case, but hey, Pulp Fiction was a really popular movie…) I was in New York with a lovely group of friends, and as we were strolling down 5^th Ave we came up a monstrously ornate Catholic church. The girls wanted to go inside, but I opted out, saying I’d check my voicemail on the steps. The cryptically vague message led me to call my friend Katie back, and she had asked if I had heard the news about my first (and longest) best friend, Angelina, and if I was ok/upset/anything. My initial reaction was that she had gotten married and that I was completely unaware of this momentous occasion. Quite the opposite. On CA-12 from Antioch to Davis, where she went to school (set to graduate that semester), she never made it home.

And just like that, collapsing back from my seated position, on the stairs of a Catholic church in NYC, it rained—the most torrential downpour my tear ducts have ever produced, and closest family member was gone.

I realized tonight that this past Memorial Day shared the same day as the fifth anniversary of Angelina’s passing, but then I thought that this was the first year that I hadn’t been a reclusive little mess about it. Not to say that I’ve forgotten about her (obviously), it just didn’t sit as far forward in my crowded little mind as it always had been. But I’m okay with that. My most recent breakup was shrouded in the fact that I was still in love with Angelina, and that I couldn’t fully invest myself in a serious relationship if I wasn’t over her. Yes, she was my first love, and my first best friend, and when such a sudden passing like hers occurs there are thousands of questions that even more people ask and wonder about—myself included.

I can honestly say that I’ve moved on, and I will forever remember my dear friend Angelina. Having loosed myself from my own emotional chains, I can honestly say that I am tremendously happy in a mutually shared love with a new best friend—the amazing Sarah Emily Caparino. I have loved, and I have lost, and I have rejected love, but where I am now, I love to the same exponential degree that I am loved—an equivalence that I thought to be unattainable.

And so now, as a college graduate, and a man with a new outlook on future endeavors and old memories alike, I start a new chapter. Although new, some things carry over, one of them being, I love my best friend.

Thank you, Summer Rain, for washing me over to reveal this beneath the dirt. Thank you.

a movie and a story.

(**this was originally written as a Facebook Note and has since then, through all the Facebook changes, been imported to Blogger--obviously**)

by Marlon D Deleon on Monday, May 19, 2008 at 9:39am

in the last couple of weeks i've seen more movies than i have in a while. as much as i've enjoyed all of them. my favorite has been one i bought on a whim at Best Buy.

Reign Over Me.

Don Cheadle + Adam Sandler = more amazing than yes.

I officially love this movie and everything it is about. it is touching, it's sad, it's funny. It lets you know how much you love someone and also helps you remember how much you miss someone. friends are important. communication is integral to life. not just existing, but real, interactive, compassionate life. if you haven't already. Watch it. really. if you don't wanna rent it, or buy it yourself, come over. we'll watch it. and just fall in love with the story.

a few of you have asked me about the last note i wrote. more specifically to whom the note was directed. 

here's the short story, some of you may already know it, but there's a bunch of y'all that don't.

when i was in the sixth grade, my class went to camp for a week and i didn't. i spent the week doing my work in a third grade class. that's where I met Angelina Rose Malfitano.

who knows when they're ten years old who they want to marry? (if you've seen Sweet Home Alabama you may have a better idea)

anyway, we become best friends. in every sense of the word. it was a perfect friendship. and she was The girl. however. because there was a slight age difference, she told me she felt just a step behind. example, when i was a senior in high school, she was a freshman. that just doesn't happen.

we never dated. ever. never kissed or even held hands. we were Best Friends. we told each other we loved each other and would walk each other to class. yeah.

in 2001 i drive home from south carolina, and in not being home in nearly a year and a half, i wanted to get home. but before i drove to my parents house i stopped at angelina's. her sister opened the door and she told me she'd get her. mind you, i'm sweaty and tired from driving all day (more so the last three). I walk inside and see her come down the stairs in a white t-shirt and black soccer shorts. not much to you, but you know that scene in Beauty and the Beast when Belle walks down the big staircase in that golden ball gown? that's what she looked like to me.

we talked in her room for a little bit, about the start of senior year, and how the Navy has been treating me. then bringing up the fact that we're in different chapters of our lives, and that she'd never catch up for our lives to meet, we would never be together. never.

a little later i left, but i never stopped loving her.

in the summer of '06 i went to NY with some folks from DVC. The Wednesday i was there my friend Katie D. called me and left me a message. later on that day i was sitting on the steps of a beautiful Catholic Church on 5th Ave. listened to the message and called Katie back.

Angelina's died in a car crash.

and right there on the sidewalk, i lost it.

Angelina now lives in Holy Cross Cemetary in Antioch. I used to go see her all the time. but without a car and getting home so late, i wasn't able to in the last couple months. last Tuesday I took the bus home early and made it out to see her. She's the one the note was to.

like i said earlier,

I still love you.