Photo and Blog a Day Challenge-Day 25/28: Shiny

A lonely, empty, kid-sized Batmobile sat on its motorized pedestal in front of the planter covered in dingy snow. The blue sky and shadows are deceiving, as the daytime saw a high in the mid-20s this fourth week of February. The cold weather keeps many potential customers at home, and without the crowds, there are no young heroes sitting behind the wheel of this sleek, shiny ride.

Later on in the afternoon I saw this gentlemen and his shiny car.

In a Target parking lot, he walked up to the driver's side, inspected the front of the car, walked towards the back to check out the rear bumper, tossed his bag in the back seat, and lit his cigarette. Why he didn't check out the passenger side is beyond me, but he stayed outside while he puffed away in the frigidly windy parking lot.

I wasn't sure if it was his personal car, or a work car that he was in charge of, but by the way he checked out the sides and smoked his cigarette outside, it looks like he didn't want anything to blemish the luxury car. So, like anyone else would, chose the least precarious when he departed...

Oh, wait. He actually put his car in plenty of scratch danger weaving through as many stray carts as possible. Awkward.

Arnold, the ferret/raccoon hybrid on my dashboard was just as perplexed.

I don't really have a segue, so this will have to do.

Shifting gears (you like that? with the cars and all...)

Shiny. I couldn't find a picture to properly launch me into what I had already intended on sharing today. It's funny because I laugh at it now, but it really is a sadly in appropriate story.

Several months ago, let's say last summer, I was at an Italian deli on my lunch break from Old Navy. While I was finishing up, a group of four individuals walked in. Two males, probably late 20s, in jeans, camo t-shirts, and ball caps, a young girl, possibly one of the males' daughters, probably around 6 or 7 years old, and an older woman, who appeared to be the girl's grandmother.

When I was getting up to toss my napkin and grinder wrapper in the trash, the two men had gone up to the counter to place their order, leaving the girl and grandmother at the table. Passing them on my way out, I smiled and said hello. The grandmother smiled and said hello, and the girl blurted out what I heard to be, "Whatchu lookin at, shiny guy?"

As I walked out I laughed thinking, "Shiny guy? That's a first." And then it hit me. She was saying, "Whatchu lookin at, Chinese guy?" And I immediately became a little nauseous and sad for her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to get all Sen. Melvin on you and say there isn't any racism in America, Indiana, or anywhere. I know better. What makes me sad is that someone that young has already been injected with behaviors and stereotypes that are probably commonplace at home, school, or both.

How we talk to and around children is more important than many realize. I wrote a post on this topic last month, in regards to body image and how we greet children. See Minding the Gaps and Burning Bridges here.

I have no answer for the masses. I will only have answers for my (hopefully) eventual children, and those I have a role in helping nurture. It isn't the most appealing or fun of roles, but it's an important one for the future.

I came across this video earlier today via Upworthy. About baby showers, and how this is the best time to dash gender molds.



I want an open field for my child's life. I don't want to pigeonhole them or write their future for them. I want to help them learn and discover so that they can then decide what they're passionate about to change the world.

I'm getting pretty close. Each year it reveals itself a little more. Between NaNoWriMo and this Photo Blog Challenge it looks even clearer.

I hope you've been enjoying it as much as I have been.

Three more to go...at least for February. ;)

Minding the gaps and burning bridges

Will we ever get to a point where no longer default to a comment on appearance whenever we see nieces, nephews, babies, and other children so that they aren’t starved for compliments focused on their physical image as they get older?

Think about it.

Over the holidays. How many babies, toddlers, kids, and teens did you see? And how many of them did you comment on how they looked?

Oh, you’re getting so big!

I love her chubby cheeks!

Oh, you’re growing up and becoming so beautiful!

Ok, time out.

I get it. You haven’t seen someone in a while, and as you literally see them walk up, you go for the easy way out and comment on your first reaction, what you see. But look at this way…

They don’t see you often. When they do, you comment on how they look. More times than not you’re probably feeding them, giving them a second helping, or telling them to eat more and put some meat on their bones.

Before we even talk about commercials, magazines, red carpet specials, movies, music videos, billboards, ads, EVERYTHING THEY SEE EVERY DAY…the small network of people they subconsciously rely on for their safety and well being is setting them up to focus on one thing…

How. They. Look.

Maybe I should take another step back.

You’ve probably heard about the trend of the thigh gap.

I read something today about boasting a bikini bridge.

The article was shared online with a tagline referring to how there aren’t already enough ways for girls to feel bad about their bodies.

First off, it isn’t just girls that have image issues, boys to too. As do women, and men.

Secondly, Jennifer Lawrence has nothing to do with how you feel about your body. Nor does Alyssa Milano, or Jay Mohr.

You do. And whether you’re reading this pertaining to yourself, or as a parent, uncle, or aunt in regards to your favorite children, it’s still up to you.

So don’t go blaming the media for forcefeeding this impossible images into their heads. Don’t blame the fashion industry for hiring stick thin models to show off clothes you’ll never afford nor wear on any regular day when you work in your office, school, restaurant, or home. Don’t blame musicians, artists, politicians, or any of them.

How about this? Don’t blame anyone.

But start the re-education in your own home, better yet, in your own mind.

Try refraining from commenting on someone’s image and talk to them for a bit. Compliment them on their successes in soccer this year, or a science project they rocked out. Ask them about what book they’re reading, or what sports team they like, and have a conversation about why you think One Direction is to them what N’Sync was to you, or The Beatles or Taylor Swift.

Try broadening your own perspective and encouraging them with more than physical appearances, and if you do want to comment on their appearance, try something new like:

You look so healthy!

You look happy!

Or flip the perspective:

I’m so glad to see you!

I’ve missed you so much!

I’ve been missing this hug all year.

Give and show them worth in regards to their relationship with you. Not based on what you see. Because the less you see, the less they become, not just to you, but to themselves.

And one more thing in regards to weight, size, and fashion…stop obsessing over what size you are, because no one’s going to stop you and say, “oh, those 14s are too small.” Why not? Because they don’t know the size you’re wearing, they just see how it fits your body. And guess what? Clothes are made in so many different sizes for a reason. So don’t focus on fitting a size. Focus on wearing what amplifies your awesome. Show off the intangibles they can’t see, and use what they can see to make it spectacular.

UPDATE: I saw this video today (2/28/14) and knew I had to add it to one of my blogs about children because it says so poignantly what I want to drive home. So here it is...