Photo and Blog a Day Challenge-Day 17/28: On My Mind

Facebook, you never cease to amaze me. It's like  you know I'm doing this Photo and Blog a Day Challenge. Oh, wait. If you can tell when people are about to get in a relationship, and you share all my posts for me, you definitely do know.

 But do you really want to know what's on my mind? And even if you do, does everyone else? That's the interesting thing about social media, it allows us to stay "connected" but it simultaneously enables us to remain distant. Status posts let us know what's going on in our Facebook friends' lives without actually interacting with them. Twitter lets us toss 140 character post it notes on a perpetual conveyer belt for anyone to look at at any time. Instagram gives us the ability to share things we see, or want others to see. Blogs, like my own, gives writers a plot of land in the electronic fields to sow our own creative seeds.

And when is the last time someone asked you that question? The answer is, probably the last time you greeted someone. At work, at school, in a restaurant, it happens all the time. We just brush it off though.

A: How's it going?

B: Fine. You?

A: Good.

And we've moved on.

How about this situation? Have you pictured this? Because I have. Several times.

A: How's it going?

B: Sucks. I don't know what I'm doing. I like my classes, but I'm scared about what kind of job to even look for when I graduate. I'm kind of looking for jobs now, but I've been spending more time going out and trying to get drunk and laid to distract me from my frustration with my Philosophy teacher who is boring as hell.

A: (eyes wide, jaw-dropped)


B: And then my mom calls me to tell me I never call her, and that dad works all the time because he's trying to pay for my loans that are paying for the education that I don't know what I'm going to do with. Are you hungry? I really want pizza, but I'm too busy trying not to get fat.

A: OKAY STOP! I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW.

So why do we ask? Why do you say what you say? Do you care how they're doing when you ask? Would you even know how to listen?

What's interesting is that people are probably more honest with their Facebook statuses than they are with people they see every day. Maybe you aren't. But maybe you spend more time talking to your bartender, co-worker, or sister more than you do your husband, mother, or manager. Are you speaking up for yourself? Do you listen to others when they need an ear?

I'm not throwing the first stone. But I will offer two ears (or eyes if you want to email/text/chat me) if you need it. That's what I think of whenever there is news of a suicide, or an quiet death alone (accidental or natural). Were they just so alone that they checked out? Did they ask for help, but no one answered because they thought they had it all already?

Asking for help is really difficult. Almost as difficult as saying "no." (Or vice versa, we're all different.) One thing I've noticed is that most people do ask for help-just not in the form of a question. Yes, there are signs. For everything. Positive and negative. But are you listening? Are you seeing?

That's what's on my mind, Facebook. And I'm about to answer your question by sharing this blog in my status. But I guess by the time you read this, I already have. I think I just caused a glitch in the matrix.

What's on your mind? What's in your wallet? (Don't sue me Capital One.)

Photo and Blog a Day Challenge-Day 7/28: Disorganized

Yesterday I spent a good portion of my day off going through boxes, bags, and piles of papers. Trashing old thing that I don't need anymore, sorting through others that I should keep on record. Day 6/28 was Pattern and I couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that that #7 on the list was Disorganized.

Now, there aren't any written rules saying you have to do them in order, so I could very well have taken a picture of the papers on the floor and done #7 on Day 6. But then the structure junkie part of me would have a fit, and well, that's a conversation for the therapist I didn't need past the consultation.

So here we are, Day 7 of 28, following prompt #7: Disorganized. And so, dear social media friends, I present to you, my raw photo:

See me on Instagram

And a couple others I took out there

And then I realized I could just take a panoramic shot

So yes, disorganized.

It looks so calm and serene out there. Flat, like a single sheet placed over the ground. That's where the trick is.

In contrast to yesterday's post of a pattern, this is a beautiful example of mass chaos...on a level that most would not see as such.

Take New Year's Eve in Times Square, or a victory parade for the Stanley Cup, Super Bowl, or BCS Bowl Game victory, or even The Hunger Games. You can look at photos and see hundreds of thousands of screaming fans packed in there with each other, basking in fandom glory to behold their victors. That is definitely an example of disorganized. Maybe not completely, but there is a major aspect of chaos in there.

Now take out your magnifying glass from the front left pocket of your safari vest and check out the snow pictures.

Hundreds of thousands, millions, dare I say billions of little snowflakes packed in there like screaming fans at the Olympics freezing their furry hats off.

But when you're on the second floor of an apartment building, it looks peaceful.

In the Instagram post of the first picture you can see reflections of the windows on the snow. In one of the additional photos you can see tiny, teaspoon-sized piles of snow on top of the sheet.

The OCD part of my brain curses the single tree in two of those photos for breaking up the unity of the snow blanket, but then I appreciated it's presence to serve as a point of reference instead of just presenting an all-white photo.

I've found the snow to be a creative partner in my acknowledgement of it. With a couple of YouTube videos and earlier blogs Snowmance and Diving into snow, the snow has prodded my creative herd a bit this winter.

But for today, the thought of disorganization masked by an appearance of serenity, elicits a confession of sorts. For myself mostly, but I'm sure for many of us. As the snow behind my apartment sits in a fairly uniform plane, it appears to calm, serene, and peaceful. Thinking that the violent winds have shifted the randomly constructed piles of snow from earlier snowfall, the state of the snow now is just a result of forces it has no choice but to react to.

As a child, from elementary school to high school, there was a major transformation in junior high. I actually used to be really quiet. Dreadfully shy actually. If it was a matter of answering a factual question, doing math, or regurgitation of knowledge from an earlier lesson, I was there. But socially, there was little to no footing.

Through a club's team spirit that allowed me to look through a magnifying glass at my own snow blanket, I saw the snow flakes. I found the violent winds, and I laid down in subordination.

So, by the time I got to high school, unlike the snow, I fought back. But those outside forces were still there. Those days of jumping around, joking and laughing, dancing, and smiling, were my response to the winds and freezing conditions. My close friends knew what was really going on under the ice, but to those that watched from the balcony upstairs, the appearance of peaceful snow hid some brutal frozen conditions beneath.

A couple of folks asked me along the way, and some afterwards, why I was the way I was, cheerful, and always enjoying my time at school. And when I shared what was beneath the ice, they became surprised saying they had no clue that I was going through certain struggles because I was always having fun, and was so good in class. Well, being book smart and having a sense of humor isn't always a recipe for happiness--but it's a good start.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that many of us appear to others as having the elegant, peaceful snow blanket, but like those smooth rocks on the beach or by a river, it's only by the long-term battering of the waves and other objects.

So when you're "shocked" at someone's passing like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Cory Monteith, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain...(you get the picture), realize that although many hold these celebrities up on monumental pedestals, being good at something, whether it's book smarts, music, acting, or having a lot of something else, like money, fame, or popularity, doesn't mean you're completely happy.

Not that each suicidal, accidental, tragic death is equal, but what makes me a little bit sad is for each individual that takes his or her own life, is that it could have been prevented by some one (or some few) that listen. And you don't always have to wait for them to ask either. Asking for help is a big pride issue for many people, and so even the simplest act of saying hello can make someone feel important.

So listen to each other. Ask for help. Reach out if you really care, regardless of how long it has been since you last spoke.

Death is a unfortunate truth. Suicide is tragic, preventable situation. But loneliness...

Loneliness is probably the singular, saddest thing anyone can experience.

And so, if you're reading this, whether I know you or not.

You're never alone.

The Duck Call Heard Round the World

People are funny. Anyone that has hung around me for more than fifteen minutes knows I like to laugh and that my sense of humor is awesomely broad, finding entertainment in so many things. But that’s not the kind of funny I’m talking about tonight.

I’m talking about how you use your voice. And not in a technical, vocal theory, Seth Rudetsky kind of way, but in the speak up for yourself and voice your opinion, first Amendment use your voice kind of way.

If you’re on social media sites a lot (which is probably applicable if you’re reading this, by nature of the beast), then you have probably noticed a swarming of posts regarding Phil Robertson, aka the Duck Commander of A&E’s Duck Dynasty. If you haven’t, or haven’t read any of the articles, here are a couple to get you going

The GQ article by Drew Magary that launched this online hornet’s off

An Entertainment Weekly article

A CNN update

So here’s the quick version.

Drew asked Phil a question. Phil answered and shared his opinion about homosexuality and some chatter about growing up in Louisiana. This opinion was taken as a huge kick in the pants and spit in your eye to those in support of marriage equality and pro-LGBT communities. After this article was released, A&E places Phil on “hiatus” and suspends him from the show.

There are two general posts I’ve noticed about this situation:

1. Down with Phil and the whole Duck Dynasty crew for believing in something different from what I do.

2. Hooray Phil for speaking what I believe in.

How about this, folks, when it comes to your opinion…

You’re right.

We’re all right in our opinions, and surprise, there will always be someone with a different view.

Yes, I agree with the principle that a man was asked his opinion and that he shared it. There’s nothing illegal about that. There isn’t anything illegal about publishing it either.

And I don’t work for A&E nor do I know what the conversation was that led to his suspension from the highly-favored show he is affiliated with. For all I know, the suits behind the show may have wanted this backlash to occur and arranged this as a stunt to really bolster viewers in support of Duck Dynasty, filtering out those that don’t share in Phil’s views. But I don’t, so I kick back and watch so many people flail about the online pool of bullshit.

Here’s where the crowds wake up, which leads me to my view of how people are funny.

Social media posts are a great substitute for current event news shows. Whenever someone dies, a major event happens, someone farts in church, anything. I can gauge how grand something is by the variety of people that post about it. When Nelson Mandela died? A few posts here and there. But Obama’s Selfie-gate? That turned into as big a deal as him getting re-elected. Paul Walker’s death. Everywhere. Billie Jean King going to Sochi. (High five if you didn’t have to Google that, or Billie Jean King.) Barely anything.

People like to sound off when it’s something people are talking about, and it’s usually something that doesn’t affect them directly, but they have an opinion about.

Shocker. You can have an opinion about something. Tell me what you had for lunch, I’ll have an opinion about it and tell you a story about why that pisses me off.

And I get it. I really do. It’s easy to share an opinion when it’s about something that doesn’t directly affect you, reflect on you, or make an actual difference in your own life. Because if you do share something about how feel and you offend someone or ruffle their feathers, then, oh snap, you’re getting ignored, blocked, defriended, or worse, not paid attention to.

What about the last time you ordered food at a restaurant and your order was wrong and you didn’t say anything because you “didn’t want to be that customer” or “cause any trouble.” Or the time that awkward co-worker keeps ogling you or making obscene comments about your sister, wife, or daughter. Or what about any other situation like bullying, harassment, or using words like “gay” or “retarded” in a derogatory manner. Did you speak up then?

Probably not. And I’ll be the first to tell you that I’ve been guilty of this too. But I’ll tell you what…in the last two years, I’ve made a conscious effort to say something when someone says something is “gay” or refers to something as “retarded.”

Because that can actually help. That’s using my voice to make me world around me a little better.

Complaining about what someone else did, or defending them when they don’t know you from Adam just feels like waste of time. And maybe I’m wasting my own time, telling you that it’s a waste of time. And so what if it’s ironic that I’m sharing my own opinion?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is, relax. Take some of that energy you have, some of that pomp in your step, and some of that fire in your pocket and refocus it. Try thanking people for things that you make take for granted. Try helping someone out. Try asking someone how they’re doing and actually hang around long enough for them to tell you.

I don’t agree with Phil’s point of view, but I’m not mad at him for sharing it. He was asked. But I look at him like any other celebrity. Yeah, he’s a public figure and people enjoy him and his family for entertainment, and yeah he’s supposed to be aware of what he says, and I’m sure he is. But is what he says or does paying your bills or raising your kids? (well maybe it is the latter if your tv is raising your kids, but that’s a different story.) Is the private life of an athlete really going to make you stop rooting for your team? Or is the social life of an actor or actress really going to make you enjoy their beautiful performance any less?

Because if it is, then you should probably take a vacation. By yourself. For a while.

I believe in marriage equality, human rights, civil rights, and the pursuit of happYness.

I acknowledge that there are still racial inequalities and that makes me sad.

I hope to see the day where there is no more salary disparity between women and men.

Guns don’t kill people, people kill people, and no amount of regulations, background checks, waiting periods, or anything will keep a criminal from committing a crime.

Regulations don’t keep people from taking drugs. Education and experience does.

Music doesn’t make people commit suicide, shoot up schools, movie theatres, or cause riots. Whether it’s rap, rock, opera, or classical, it doesn’t matter. Music tells stories, invokes action, and amplifies your soul.

The act of going to a church doesn’t make you a better person. And neither does not going. You make yourself a better person.

Will there always be people I disagree with? Yes. And some of those people are some of the coolest I may ever meet, but I’ll tell you this, at least they know what they stand for, whether it’s what I stand for or not. And as long as they listen more than they preach, I’ll sit and chew the fat with you.

So preach on, Phil Robertson. Speak your mind. I do, but I don’t have the millions to be famous enough for anyone else to care. This may not be read by even twenty people. But I said it. And I’ll say it again.

I’m sorry you feel that way, because the world is changing for the better whether you like it or not.

But who am I to you? No one. I’m just some Asian kid from the bay area livin in the heartland of America, and guess what? That’s totally cool, because you have your opinion and I have mine, and I can respect that.

I just wish people would use their voices more powerfully. To do something that’ll actually make a difference, and not just spend it on topics that won’t change anyone’s life.

Love yourself. Speak with honesty and conviction. Worry about the safety of your family and don’t think you’re above anyone. Your marriage won’t hurt mine. My owning a gun won’t have anything to do with your grandchildren. My vote in the booth is for my children. And don’t think my appreciation for country music is an attempt to blend in with the crowd. I’ll bump some Tupac too, but don’t be afraid, I won’t  cut you.