maybe "rants" isn't the right word. these are simple thoughts about my life. some may be more colorful than others. some language may be offensive, but it depends on your definition of offensive. consider this your warning ;)

12 June 2008

"free" time

(**originally written as a Facebook note, you know, back before Timeline, and when Bumper Stickers were the best things to share**)
by Marlon D Deleon on Thursday, June 12, 2008 at 4:55pm

that's a funny concept. not funny as in "am i clown, do i amuse you?" funny. but, "funny" (hee hee, i just said "buttfunny") as in...interesting, intruiging...reflective.

there's always more things i could be doing. reading. working out, job searching, researching colleges, writing poems, the list goes on.

if you really think about it, i'm already doing a lot right now. breathing, looking, listening, thinking, housesitting, and typing this note. now it doesn't stop there, i'm also preparing, relaxing, enjoying the summer, reflecting on myself.

that's where it gets complicated, but not really.

ok, so it isn't THAT complicated, there's just a lot going on (once again, but not really)

so i'm in college, DVC, now set to direct one of next season's major productions. cool. i'm also back in acting, just having got into a play with Shotgun Players in Berkeley. also cool. i'm on a weakly motivated job search as I am once again unemployed. not cool. i've been shut down, but if not that, simply disregarded without notification by other employers. so not cool.

i'm 26, almost 27. in community college. a year away from transfer. my peer group at school is average age 20 (that's being nice) many people my age, are either: 1) done with college (graduated or dropped out) and working towards settling, or 2) alcoholics.

this, of course is a very general statement. but really...

i am in neither circle. i'm not done with college, and i'm over being an alcoholic, tried it, had fun, moved on.

since i've been at dvc, it's been crazy-socially and professionally, but i finally got myself back to a decent level. i love my friends, don't get me wrong, i've met some people that i'll probably be friends with for the rest of my life, but it doesn't change the fact that I am considerably older, and there have been many instances in which that has played a factor, to the benefit of myself...NOT.

so here's the deal. i meet people at school, we kick it. fun times, beach, parks, playin around, fun stuff. but then there comes the point in conversations when i am reminded of my age, or more rather, my level of life experience, at this point, there is a minor rift in the interaction, and drama ensues. questions arise from my past and cause drama. parents and friends are wary of "the older guy" blah blah blah.

scenario number "B"

i meet someone my age (probably at a bar) we get along, we party well, we can have good discussion. but then i want to go to a park. or watch Cars, or Finding Nemo...or...Kung Fu Panda for the 20th time. that's when it starts to go downhill. who says that when you're older, you can't go to a park and play on the swings. why you can't just walk around the mall, get some ice cream, and lay in the grass at a park? and here is where said female my age tells me I'm not mature enough for her.

and thus, the very unique category that I am in. fun. work. an actual balance. (kind of) when it's time to work, i work. when it's time to play. i play, but the kind of play that can make me feel like i'm 21 one day, and 12 the next. fun is fun, work is work. i am me.

there's been a lot going on around me lately, just in general, not all bad, not all good, but not really stressing me out. last week i found a peace within myself that helps me smile. a peace that keeps me going everyday, and gets me to where i should be, and to hold me over until i arrive at that moment when i say to myself, "ok, i get it."

there's no monumental event or anniversary, life-changing song or film that i saw today. i just sat down at the keyboard, and started to type.

i just felt the need to let you know-about me.


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