the morning after

Fourteen and half hours. that beats my personal record by thirty minutes. almost thirteen years ago, when I had returned from the one and only trip ive ever taken to italy, I slept for fourteen hours. that's understandable, 9hr flight, two layovers, long trip. this time, the drive was much shorter, about six and a half, but the week that preceded this episode of slumber was derserving of such a long rest.

KCACTF, XLI. for those that don't know, Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival Forty-one. The setting? CSU Fullerton. When? last week, Feb 10 through the 14th. What? the short version? colleges from five different states, guam, and american samoa for Region VIII's week long extravaganza of theatre students, faculty, visitors, and general lovers of the craft. Why? well…let the story begin.

Fall of 2007 I had signed up for Principles of Directing with Big Ed Trujillo to learn about the process of Directing, what directors look for, and well, my main reason, to learn about directing so I can be easier to work with as an actor. What came about was a new aspect in the industry that I love that I discovered I was able to succeed in. A couple of classroom directing scenes that semester, and well, time to start presenting publicly performing scenes. Spring Semester, 08. Advanced Student Directing Projects, mentored by Nicole Hess-Diestler. alongside zarif, cyle, armando, chance, aman, and dori, we all grew as aspiring directors. My first chapter of that semester involved an arena drama with a fantastic group of actor-mackenszie, kaela, mariel, jordan, and kelsey. The rehearsal run and performance taught me so much about myself as a director. I discovered that, being an actor first, my strength lies in character development, establishing relationships, and well, constructing an indestructible level of cohesion and professional among the group. Whether an actor hates me or loves me, for whatever reasons they possess, the actors come ready to work, often when they are not called, just so they can participate in the process. The second half of the semester brought even more work with Christopher Durang's A Stye of the Eye, Pat Montley's Madrigal in Black and White, and Assistant Directing for Ed's compilation, The Clash and Celebration of American Cultures. ladies and gentlemen I worked with were fantastic and understanding, especially with having to re-cast a lead in Stye at the last minute, and having a first with an all-female cast in Madrigal. As the semester went on, my confidence as a director had grown, my versatility in strengths had increased, and I was becoming more aware of points to work on and ways I can grow.

Then it was posted in the green room--The Student Directing Project for 2008-2009 school year would be Jesus Hopped the 'A' Train by Stephen Adly (not Adley) Guirgis. none of us had heard of it, but I wanted it, as did Armando, Cyle, and Bryan. After reading it, I knew I wanted to direct it more than I have wanted to play any role or direct any other play I had read thus far. The characters were deeper than any others I had read of, the play was contemporary, intense, and soulful…like a young Al Pacino. This was also the first play I had ever read that I didn't look at as an actor, I was in complete director mindset, and I knew I wanted it--bad. In order with the application process posted, I had submitted an application letter to the Search [for a Student Director] Committee, and prepared for my presentation/interview. The letter induced a level of professionalism in myself I had not accessed since I've moved back here and started school. A level that was as common as breathing when I was in the Navy, a level that many had not taken me for with my disney tattoos, TMNT jackets, and little yapper dog attitude.

Last week I had said, "eighty percent of professionalism is a handshake and remembering names" and well, that's how I roll. The presentation of my vision pitch for the Drama Faculty had gone well, and the next morning, as I sat and smoked a cigarette before class on the back patio, I was asked, "So, would you like to direct 'Jesus'?" And with my eyes I had answered before the words, "um, ok!" could escape my mouth. This is exactly what I needed. My faith in my own personal talents in theatre had started to wane, and being selected by professors whose opinions I value and respect, gave me a boost I needed deeply.

And so, the journey began, and alongside Nikki and Megan, we began to lay out tracks for a train whose journey we had no idea how long it would be. Fast forward--auditions. Probably the easiest part of the entire process. If you saw the show, you know how it played out. Nathan Smith, Inmate #1/Guard "Ricardo", Andrew Banks, Inmate #3/ Guard "Brutus", Meredith Slater-Peyton, Mary Jane Hanrahan, Dan Rubio, Charlie D'Amico, Mackenszie Drae, Officer Valdez, Armando Ramirez, Angel Cruz, and Michael Alexander, Inmate #2/Lucius Jenkins. Myself as Director, Nicole Hess-Diestler as Faculty Advisor, and I cannot forget to mention, Megan Adele Howe.

I had ideas and visions for where I wanted the show to go, the messages, the character, the highlights, and the low points, and each and everyone one of the actors to their character, built it up, developed it, and made it proliferate to levels I had not fathomed. Sure, yes, as with any show, there were bumps in the road, and walls that needed to be scaled, but each and every one of the stood up to the task at hand and literally owned it and made it their own. Before our first read through I had told them, "we are not playing characters, you're playing peoples lives, they aren't real people, but they need the depth and background as if they were" it's easy to play a character, a caricature, a cutout, but these actors took their scripts and asked questions, gave them personalities, voices, mannerisms, catch lines, and lives. The show that had congealed among the cast and crew had been maginificent.

Of course, it was not just them, Tim Nottage, Ricky Kerckhove, Martina Jeans, Lavale Davis and Jordan Delong all contributed as well to their technical design aspects, and everyone has their highlights. This production, with Scott Heiden had all designed not just an environment, but a world, a true-to-life setting in which this chapter of life at Riker's would unfold before our eyes. Some have told me that the lights and set would ring true to them, one lady from the festival had told me that the sound of the cell doors closing reminded her of the ten different doors she had to walk through as a child just to visit her uncle in prison. Each facet of this technical world was constructed in such a way to engage, captivate and hold the audience to be a part of our world.

And so, after a successful two week run at home, we find out that we are one of ten shows invited to perform at KCACTF XLI out of hundreds of associate productions. This was a DVC first. No other show in Diablo Valley College history has ever been given the opportunity to perform before our region, and the 'A' Train crew deserves it. Some had been to festival before, others, including myself, had not, but we were all excited beyond words to discover that we are all invited to come together and show the others what we had worked so hard to create.

And so, alongside 30 or so other students, DVC brings a gang of 40 students and two faculty members to the festival. cars, vans and a truck with the set and luggage drive down to CSU Fullerton last monday to get ready for XLI. The festival had not even started yet, but the buzz had already begun about "Jesus Hopped the 'A' Train."

I had no idea what to expect, being my first festival, I was excited and wide-eyed awaiting the gargantuan opportunity before all of us. Some were auditioning for Next Step, Irene Ryan Auditions, I was participating in the inaugural SSDC Directing event, Will had his make-up design in the running, and well, any combination of any of the aforementioned events, and others I hadnt mentioned. 'A' Train started the week, first to load in and perform, and so, the week began. the cast members were being recognized all over campus, the buzz was growing, and well, after the third and final performance of our baby Jesus, all we could do was wait. Our response was fantastic, the stories were clear, the characters were well developed and were all round amazing. the set, lights, sound, and costume were all touted to hold their own and do nothing but good things, adding to the already magnificent story.

Since october, 'A' Train had grown as a family, and here, despite the fact that were not the only DVC members there, we had all stuck together, well, except for me--I was busy running around to different workshops and responses, networking my butt off. other student directors, designers, stage managers and actors from throughout our region, American River College, BYU, CSUF, Fresno State, Southern Utah, and elsewhere. When else would I have the opportunity to meet and talk with people from outside my small circle of experience here in the east bay? exactly. Meeting others from other community colleges we shared a struggle, a form of racism, but, the level of education was our race. Collegism I guess you could call it. some, not many, but enough to piss me off, looked down on us, as if we were maimed, unable, or simply too dumb to be able to participate or even comprehend what a "university" student was doing. so what, we had a show here, and half of the SSDC directors were from DVC, ARC, and MiraCosta, all community colleges…what was that? community what? right. community COLLEGES. point taken. To use a common analogy from last week, we were "the kids playin stickball, traveling to the big leagues" stickball or not, if you're playing in the big leagues, you're obviously doing something right.

Many of us received call backs for Next Step, none of the candidates for Irene Ryans advanced to the semi-finals, and I did not advance into the finals for SSDC event, but Amy, Ellery, and Ricky, thank you for working so hard to show them what we can do. Will Katzman however, advanced to the Make-up design finals, and ended up winning as the regional winner to advance to the Kennedy Center for his design for Frankenstein. Congratulations, Will! you deserve it, your work and art are phenomenal!

The big question for 'A' Train was, how and when do they announce who is going to DC for the national festival in april? friday night I found out--after the Irene Ryan winners are announced, they will mention which of the six invited shows are being held for consideration to go to DC. Four were held, and we were not one of them. However, Michael Alexander did win the award for Best Performance IN THE ENTIRE FESTIVAL. over everyone, his portrayal as Lucius Jenkins struck so strongly in the hearts of adjudicators, judges, and respondents, and he was bestowed this great honor in the most competitive region in the nation. Congratulations, Michael, it is well deserved, and I'm glad you earned it.

And so, this is the end of the line for our production of Jesus Hopped the 'A' Train. I'm not mad that we aren't going, and I'm far from disappointed in the cast. If anything, I'm proud beyond words that we even made it this far. I learned so much about myself, as a director, as a person, a friend, a colleague, and an actor. Like I explained to a couple people saturday night, "it's like an audition. you prepare as much as you can. you polish and clean and prepare. but when you say 'thank you' and bow out, it's out of your hands. we did all that we could, and well, this is what happened" This is not the end for any of us, nor should it be, if anything, this production will launch all of us into realms we had not thought of before we started on this journey. I will say that I feel just as important to this show as you should, this is not "my show" nor does it belong to anyone, not even Stephen Adly Guirgis. It is his play, and his text, but I had a vision, the DVC Faculty believed in me to drive it, and like I told many of you, I feel like Danny Ocean, running around town recruiting the best at their task to complete a job that no other group can the same way we did. You're all important, you all have a specialty, and we all came together as classmates, friends, and family members to put forth the best show I've ever been a part of. we all made this happen, and I'm proud to say that I'm a part of it. and even though we were not considered for DC, hell, it's "just DC." we've already shown ourselves and hundreds of other people this powerful work and how it can affect your lives, let's allow ourselves to ring that through our own lives, even without the script.

Congratulations cast and crew of Jesus Hopped the 'A' Train, and thank you to everyone who participated in any way, audience member, tech, house manager, walking billboard. It's been a long road, and I will never forget this once in a lifetime experience. it's, well, irreplaceable. let me use a few words from the script to close this off. this isn't the last time you'll see me work, and I hope this isn't the last time any of us does. never let go of this experience, but don't hold on so tight you can hold onto anything else. but remember:

"people think everything is replaceable. everything is not replaceable. people believe they go through life accumulating things. that is incorrect. people go through life discarding things, tangible and intangible, replaceable and priceless. what people do not understand is that once they have discarded an irreplaceable item, it is lost forever..."
-Marlon.

Selfishness, Maturity, Sex, Timing, and Me.

(**originally written and posted as a Facebook Note, you know, the FB equivalent of a blog before Timeline was forced upon us, back when sharing Bumper Stickers were the best...)

by Marlon D Deleon on Sunday, June 15, 2008 at 12:05am

...all five of these things are what i think i'm going to refer to as..."the fucktastic four" (at least, for this context) now, i know, there are five things listed, BUT! keep reading, and it'll start to make sense, if it doesn't, well. that sucks for you.

think of it like a pizza: there are many toppings to choose from, but too many is just weird, and a bad combo is just that-a bad combo. sometimes, a simple one or two-topping pizza is fantastic, but other times, the supreme is even better. in any case, pizza is still pizza. (and i love pizza). but, back to the point (there is one...swear. fuck,) in the last couple weeks, but definitely this past week i've been doing a lot of reflecting. i use the word "reflection" as opposed to "thinking" because thinking hurts too much. anyway, in my reflection, i've come to realize that just about every break up in any relationship of whatever the sense, friendship, professional, romantic, etc, ends in any one or more of The Fucktastic Four. yes, of course, I am a part of it. but, of the remaining members, i can usually pinpoint one major Fucktastic.

why don't I just start at the top? (thatswhatshesaid) SELFISHNESS- now, this is an interesting character. selfishness usually has a negative connotation, and with good reason...but that is not always the case.

storytime- go.

let's call her Leigh. long distance relationship, i'm in the military (east coast), she is not (west coast) over the course of time, the phone calls from Leigh become more frantic and filled with crying. She wants me to come home. I am in the military, under an enlistment, she lives at home with her parents, and wants to leave. Going AWOL or deserting a military obligation is stupid. doing for a girl? even stupider. she could have moved to the east coast. but she wanted me to come back to california. Selfish. i come up with a plan. I re-enlist, move into an apartment and out of the barracks, buy a new truck, Leigh would move in with me on the east coast. that's all she had to do. move. and if she hated living at home as much as she said she did, AND wanted to be with me as much she said that as well, moving sounded logical.

NOT. she simply continued bitching and crying to me about missing me and hating living at home, i continued to offer up the plan. to no avail. seeing this going nowhere, i break up with her, and continue with my portion of the plan successfully. (selfish)

now, neither of us were wrong, we both wanted something, and did what we wanted individually, but not what WE wanted as US- selfish.

i still think i made the mature decision to break it off at the point where i did, because of our individual selfishness and the concept of timing. she simply wasn't (and actually, still isn't) ready to leave home.

MATURITY- this has more faces than an emoticon pop-up ad in the middle of your myspace page. I believe that there are several kinds of maturity: physical, emotional, professional, and sexual. all very different. all very related. definitely affective on the others. Let's break it down simply...

Physical Maturity- very easy to discern. medical, tangible, physical maturity, your body develops, you get hair in funny places, you get taller (some more than others) you fill out, what have you. i think you get it.

Emotional Maturity-general life experiences. "growing up" if you will. This is where it starts to get complicated. I've met very few people in my life that actually seem the age that their birth certificate deems. work with me here...small child. parents divorce, death in family, what have you. said child "grows up" faster than they're supposed to. still with me so far? good. on the other hand...child lives at home in sheltered life. goes of to college/military/whatever, and is thrown into the octagon that us non-MMA fighters know as "the real world" and the 18 yr-old virgin to the world with no credit who's never worked a day in his/her life is now screwed. some people are simply in for a reality check, and hopefully, they make it. just because you are 18, does NOT mean you are smart enough to vote. and further, being 21 does NOT make you a responsible drinker.

in any case, i think you should catch my driftwood by now. emotional and physical maturity rarely match. it happens.

Professional Maturity- a bit easier to discern. whether you realize it or not, you start maturing professionally at a very young age...interpersonal communications, negotiating (i'll give you my oreos for that bag of cheetos...) flirting (tag, you're it! no! she has cooties!) etc. as you get older, you develop workplace skills, cuztomer service, or a trade, or computer skills, what have you. eventually, when you realize what you want to be when you grow up, you start working strictly in that field, and mature there.

easier said than done. i know.

Sexual Maturity- now, bear with me. i'm not talking about sexual conquests, how big (or little) of a whore you may or may not be...stay with me. I'm talking about sexual maturity in regards to yourself, and your state as a sexual being. ok, let's get...mature for a moment. Focus! ok, good. let's be real. people "lose" (or give away, or simply get taken) their virginities at ages all over the scale...i think the youngest i've heard was 11? the oldest being mid 20s. anyway, it's not about when you do, or how much you do, it's about how YOU feel throughout your...sexual career, is what i call it. There are events that can help you mature, and then there are things that can knock you back further than a time machine. it's all in how you handle it in Emotional Maturity.

SEX- herein lies an interesting question...in a relationship, and one asks, "how many people have you been with?" really? is it THAT important? or is that a manifestation of insecurity in projection upon your partner. (that sounded so psychology class, it was awesome) anyway...aside from STDs, children, and fiancee's/spouses...i really don't see the validity in knowing how many people my girlfriend (if i had one) has been with. really. honesty. and comfortability. if two people (or more...lol) are hookin up to hook up. go ahead! do what you want...but safely! but, if two people are in a relationship, then, the sex should be more about their comfortability and trust in each other, and expressing their emotions and attraction through physical intimacy.

despite many people's beliefs about my sexual standing, i know where i stand, and that's what's important.

so anyway...what's the point of all this? well, my levels of maturity in each category are so far off from each other, i'm in a very unique category. actually, it isn't a category. it's my life.

professionally, i've matured in different aspects. navy. military, electrical/nuclear engineering, but now i'm in theatre, for real for real.

physically? well, yeah. luckily, i've been blessed with good genes, and i still get mistaken for being 18. i'm not complaining. i know i'm not getting any taller, i'm over it.

selfish? absolutely. i gotta look out for number one. when my ex fiancee and i broke up before i moved back to cali, she said i was being selfish for leaving her and anna (her daughter) in virginia beach and just comin back here. i looked her dead in the face and said, "just because i've played daddy doesn't mean i'm her father. she's not my kid."

my biggest thing is that my levels of maturity have grown in such a pulp fiction, three card monte, kinda way, that i fit into so many circles, and sometimes it makes it awkward when it comes to dating, because i can connect with people in different age ranges.

i have learned a lot though, every year i do. and the last month has taught me a lot, too. and i'm glad, cuz generally, i'm doing ok. and it's a good day because He said, it was gonna be a good day. that's why any day would be. because He said so. yup, i went there...that's what He said.

-Marlon

"free" time

(**originally written as a Facebook note, you know, back before Timeline, and when Bumper Stickers were the best things to share**)

by Marlon D Deleon on Thursday, June 12, 2008 at 4:55pm

that's a funny concept. not funny as in "am i clown, do i amuse you?" funny. but, "funny" (hee hee, i just said "buttfunny") as in...interesting, intruiging...reflective.

there's always more things i could be doing. reading. working out, job searching, researching colleges, writing poems, the list goes on.

if you really think about it, i'm already doing a lot right now. breathing, looking, listening, thinking, housesitting, and typing this note. now it doesn't stop there, i'm also preparing, relaxing, enjoying the summer, reflecting on myself.

that's where it gets complicated, but not really.

ok, so it isn't THAT complicated, there's just a lot going on (once again, but not really)

so i'm in college, DVC, now set to direct one of next season's major productions. cool. i'm also back in acting, just having got into a play with Shotgun Players in Berkeley. also cool. i'm on a weakly motivated job search as I am once again unemployed. not cool. i've been shut down, but if not that, simply disregarded without notification by other employers. so not cool.

i'm 26, almost 27. in community college. a year away from transfer. my peer group at school is average age 20 (that's being nice) many people my age, are either: 1) done with college (graduated or dropped out) and working towards settling, or 2) alcoholics.

this, of course is a very general statement. but really...

i am in neither circle. i'm not done with college, and i'm over being an alcoholic, tried it, had fun, moved on.

since i've been at dvc, it's been crazy-socially and professionally, but i finally got myself back to a decent level. i love my friends, don't get me wrong, i've met some people that i'll probably be friends with for the rest of my life, but it doesn't change the fact that I am considerably older, and there have been many instances in which that has played a factor, to the benefit of myself...NOT.

so here's the deal. i meet people at school, we kick it. fun times, beach, parks, playin around, fun stuff. but then there comes the point in conversations when i am reminded of my age, or more rather, my level of life experience, at this point, there is a minor rift in the interaction, and drama ensues. questions arise from my past and cause drama. parents and friends are wary of "the older guy" blah blah blah.

scenario number "B"

i meet someone my age (probably at a bar) we get along, we party well, we can have good discussion. but then i want to go to a park. or watch Cars, or Finding Nemo...or...Kung Fu Panda for the 20th time. that's when it starts to go downhill. who says that when you're older, you can't go to a park and play on the swings. why you can't just walk around the mall, get some ice cream, and lay in the grass at a park? and here is where said female my age tells me I'm not mature enough for her.

and thus, the very unique category that I am in. fun. work. an actual balance. (kind of) when it's time to work, i work. when it's time to play. i play, but the kind of play that can make me feel like i'm 21 one day, and 12 the next. fun is fun, work is work. i am me.

there's been a lot going on around me lately, just in general, not all bad, not all good, but not really stressing me out. last week i found a peace within myself that helps me smile. a peace that keeps me going everyday, and gets me to where i should be, and to hold me over until i arrive at that moment when i say to myself, "ok, i get it."

there's no monumental event or anniversary, life-changing song or film that i saw today. i just sat down at the keyboard, and started to type.

i just felt the need to let you know-about me.

--Marlon

a movie and a story.

(**this was originally written as a Facebook Note and has since then, through all the Facebook changes, been imported to Blogger--obviously**)

by Marlon D Deleon on Monday, May 19, 2008 at 9:39am

in the last couple of weeks i've seen more movies than i have in a while. as much as i've enjoyed all of them. my favorite has been one i bought on a whim at Best Buy.

Reign Over Me.

Don Cheadle + Adam Sandler = more amazing than yes.

I officially love this movie and everything it is about. it is touching, it's sad, it's funny. It lets you know how much you love someone and also helps you remember how much you miss someone. friends are important. communication is integral to life. not just existing, but real, interactive, compassionate life. if you haven't already. Watch it. really. if you don't wanna rent it, or buy it yourself, come over. we'll watch it. and just fall in love with the story.

a few of you have asked me about the last note i wrote. more specifically to whom the note was directed. 

here's the short story, some of you may already know it, but there's a bunch of y'all that don't.

when i was in the sixth grade, my class went to camp for a week and i didn't. i spent the week doing my work in a third grade class. that's where I met Angelina Rose Malfitano.

who knows when they're ten years old who they want to marry? (if you've seen Sweet Home Alabama you may have a better idea)

anyway, we become best friends. in every sense of the word. it was a perfect friendship. and she was The girl. however. because there was a slight age difference, she told me she felt just a step behind. example, when i was a senior in high school, she was a freshman. that just doesn't happen.

we never dated. ever. never kissed or even held hands. we were Best Friends. we told each other we loved each other and would walk each other to class. yeah.

in 2001 i drive home from south carolina, and in not being home in nearly a year and a half, i wanted to get home. but before i drove to my parents house i stopped at angelina's. her sister opened the door and she told me she'd get her. mind you, i'm sweaty and tired from driving all day (more so the last three). I walk inside and see her come down the stairs in a white t-shirt and black soccer shorts. not much to you, but you know that scene in Beauty and the Beast when Belle walks down the big staircase in that golden ball gown? that's what she looked like to me.

we talked in her room for a little bit, about the start of senior year, and how the Navy has been treating me. then bringing up the fact that we're in different chapters of our lives, and that she'd never catch up for our lives to meet, we would never be together. never.

a little later i left, but i never stopped loving her.

in the summer of '06 i went to NY with some folks from DVC. The Wednesday i was there my friend Katie D. called me and left me a message. later on that day i was sitting on the steps of a beautiful Catholic Church on 5th Ave. listened to the message and called Katie back.

Angelina's died in a car crash.

and right there on the sidewalk, i lost it.

Angelina now lives in Holy Cross Cemetary in Antioch. I used to go see her all the time. but without a car and getting home so late, i wasn't able to in the last couple months. last Tuesday I took the bus home early and made it out to see her. She's the one the note was to.

like i said earlier,

I still love you.

decade

july 29, 1999 I got the phone call. 

in march of my senior year ('99) I enlisted in the Navy, scheduled to leave in Oct. in may I requested to leave early; asap after my high school graduation. they told me that they would submit this request, under the circumstance that I was ok with having as little as 24hrs notice to ship out. done and done. it was a thursday morning, a month and a half after marking my spot in history as being a part of Deer Valley High School's inaugural graduating class, and my mother stood in my doorway, waking me up to tell me I have a phone call. 

"you're recruiter is on the phone." 

still groggy, "huh? what? paul?" and it suddenly hits me. I spring out of bed and dash downstairs to the phone on the wall unit in the living room, as I catch my reflection in the mirror, my self-bleached hair (which was more orange than blonde) was every which way but awake. it's about 0730 hours and he asks if im ready. 

"um, yeah. yes. yeah I'll go." 

"ill be over in twenty to pick you up." 

"cool, bye." 

and I set the receiver down on the cradle and looked up into the mirror- I am finally outta here. in twenty minutes, IC2(SW) Paul Breiterman arrived at my house, obviously my mom was awake, but I think that was about it. I triumphantly got in the front seat and we drove to MEPS Oakland. After a little hang up with some paperwork involving my middle name (or lack thereof) I was ready to swear in, this is when they give me the news. I had the choice of leaving at any point that weekend. I didn’t have to go right then, turns out my swearing in was good enough for the numbers game, but I could fly out monday if I wanted to. so I chose monday, aug 2, 1999. I figured, I know when im leaving, might as well take a couple days to say g'bye to some folks, and that’s exactly what I did. I spent very little time in my house that weekend, and well, there wasn’t much notification id give my parents if I was going to, what were they going to do anyway, kick me out? ive already got that planned, thank you. 

today is july 29, 2009. this coming monday is aug 3, 2009. almost to the day, ten years ago, I embarked on a journey that would forever change my life. a sense of freedom and independence was given to me in that envelope that carried my orders to NTC Great Lakes, I was 17 years old. that freedom was limited by military restrictions and codes of conduct. this time, im leaving antioch yet again, to embark on another chapter that could very well determine the majority of the rest of my life. there is an even bigger sense of freedom and independence this time around, but im more a master of my wits and desires than I was at 17, absolutely, but this is a different world. In the military if you didn’t show up they'd drag you there, here, they'll let you slide, they'll let you hang yourself. that’s the real stuff right there, the world that needs self motivation and drive. check. 

sometimes I have a hard time realizing it has been ten years since then, I know ive experienced a lot, good and bad, tears both of laughter and sadness, coast to coast, sober and smashed, I was there. I often say that going into the Navy was the best decision ive ever made in my life thus far, and I wholly mean that. Going to CSULB will probably rank up there as well, ill let you know in two years when I send out commencement event announcements ;) 

if history works in cycles, then ive found when it repeats. ten years. until the next cycle starts, stay tuned, because if this round is even as half as exciting and trying as this past one was, then we're in for a hell of a ride. 

-marlon