I don’t even remember half of the things I saw today, but I was a part of something good, and apparently there were people there that I knew, but didn’t know they were there.
Don’t look. See.
Don’t hear. Listen.
Don’t act. Be.
In between the stressors of failed logistics (“the best laid plans…”), variables beyond our control behind schedule (Don’t plan. Prepare), and the actor inside me wanting to don a red nose and be a part of the circus, it hit me—I’ve opened another show as a director.
It may sound odd, but I didn’t wholly realize that I was directing a show, because said hat was enveloped in other…
I just hit a wall.
What I’m trying to say is that somehow, between the press interviews, pulling costumes, spray painting murals, script rewriting, video/photo editing, and other administrative details of the project, I’ve managed to overlook the simple detail that:
I’m doing exactly what I wanted to after I graduated from college—directing.
I’ve been so wrapped up in looking for a theatre-related job (while still working at my non-theatre-related job), facilitating LBTAC (which is still in early developmental stages), and trying to enjoy my first summer out of school, that I’ve muddied my own glasses working up to my knees in exactly what I should be doing.
Stop looking, Marlon, you’re already doing it. (Yes, I just talked to myself.)
In the fall of 2005, after I had moved back to California, I wanted to take one class at Diablo Valley College (to reacclimate myself into studenthood) while I worked. “Worked” was a bit of an understatement, and if you know anything about me from the last 5 years, the following shouldn’t surprise you. My math class was only twice a week from 4-7 pm. During the day (i.e., before 3pm) I would work as a teacher’s assistant at schools throughout the Antioch Unified School District. I would then leave that job, and (on days I wasn’t going to class) I would slip into my awesome blue polo and blue visor, and deliver pizza’s for Domino’s until 8, when I would change again, and head out to the bar of the night…to karaoke DJ until 1am. Did I make some money? Hell yeah. Did I drink it away? Of course. Did I have fun? You bet I did.
Not that I’m spouting this off as a “look how awesome I am” checklist, there really is a point. Now, I’m working one (nearly) full-time job, and working on other (essentially) voluntary projects/organizations: LBTAC, KBEACH Radio (In the Wings, every Friday at 2pm with Lucy Craig), and reviewing for the Examiner (when I can). The number of jobs/commitments/projects hasn’t changed, but the focus has. I’m spending more time and energy doing theatre-related activities. THAT is evolution that I’ve been striving for.
I’m far from done, though. In many ways, I’m only just beginning, but to see the change that has happened in the last six years I’ve been back in California…woof.
Tomorrow is nationally recognized as Independence Day. For me, this one will ring truer than the just independence of the USA from the British. It will ring with a personal independence that I must not lose sight of—an independence that I have gained through my own hard work, and a support system of episodic and long-term friends/colleagues, and time.
I was directing before I knew I wanted to be a directing major. I started directing myself, and it’s the greatest show I’ll ever work on.